We all go through it at some point
There are times in our life that challenge us and those time are usually when we question ourselves, our faith and our abilities. I have recently gone through this and am still challenged by it. I have learned that people are puzzled by this but yet, I have met extraordinary people and wondered why they chose to stay in abusive relationships, why they don’t believe in themselves or why they aren’t making the leap forward. It’s because we all go through a time where we are challenged and that challenge teaches us so to be stronger and believe in ourselves regardless what we are told. It teaches us to be strong, it tells us to trust in the bigger picture and it gives us the ability to find that strength within, to move forward to the next step.
I discovered my next step in Venice, Italy. While there on a surprise trip, I realized JOY for the first time in along time, which I hadn’t realized I had lost. Now if this sounds like you , you really need to listen and make some changes, because I was there laughing and loving life for the first time in I can’t remember. I stood in St. Mark’s square totally overwhelmed, but also sobbing with JOY! I looked at my husband and hugged him and said oh my god I am supposed to be here now. He had that normal,, yeah I kinda get it face LOL. But each time we went back to St. Mark’s square I sobbed and revelled in the beauty, the history and the what could be.
Understand the oldest thing in my world had been Montreal, wow a whole 100 years old but I was standing in a place of HISTORY, of so many masters and legends. I was overwhelmed with the brilliance. Remember I read energy, a lot of my trips are Interesting but this one was especially profound.
I have been through many challenges in my lifetime but that’s a whole book ahead of itself. I have overcome all of them because I am here talking about them, but one of my most difficult was depression. I had post partum depression after all my children and honestly there are months that I don’t remember because of it. I literally went through the motions, putting one step in front of the other, just surviving. No one cared or stepped in, not because they didn’t see it but because I played the role of “I’m okay, I don’t need help, I can do this alone” but in all actuality , I wasn’t okay, I was alone and I did need help.
I have been reading a lot about the mental health issues online lately and this is what prompted me to come out and write this. It’s all about asking for help, reaching out, but you know what, when I reached out I can honestly say only a few people were actually there, and it wasn’t the ones I thought would be there, but I was grateful. Also reaching out is not what you do when you are going through mental health issues, staying secluded is what you do.
One of the things I learned from my family is they didn’t understand what I was going through so I decided one night, on a night I was struggling, to write, to help them, help me, which also might help others. So here is my journey through darkness. I am okay, but please remember we don’t ask for help when we need it. We need others to notice and sit beside us as we work through it, because we can only heal ourselves but others beside us holding our hands and telling us we are okay, makes the journey easier.
Please don’t be surprised if we push you away, it’s not personal, it our journey and sometimes space is what we need to think, to journey forward, to cry, to rejuvenate, but don’t leave our side. We need you.
I am posting this for myself but also for anyone who has struggled with feeling less, with feeling down, defeated and beat up. You are not alone. So many go through it and so many struggle and so few actually speak out. So it’s important to understand you are here for a purpose, the world needs you, learn from what you are going through, let it make you stronger and be there for others who need your understanding of this issue.
We need to talk about this issue so less suffer and more can have support while they heal.
Through the Eyes of Darkness
Till you have be there it can’t be explained
And it’s not a place you go, it comes to you
It has no Itinerary it just hangs on
You fight and struggle but the darkness sometimes wins
You smile nicely for friends, family and most just think you are being moody.
They don’t understand the effort it took just to get dressed and do your hair and makeup
They don’t understand the feels of dread and the tears that are sitting just on the edge, you are working so hard to keep them at bay.
The feeling of useless, of not belonging, of what’s the point, sometimes of why me, but the negative thoughts fill in those blanks pretty quickly.
Day to day varies but it’s the not knowing when it’s going to take over again.
Fear, social awkwardness, tears and self bullying become a way of life.
You have plans and you try so hard but then the sadness takes over.
You look around and no one sees your pain, it is real, it’s not a suck it up thing.
You dream of self esteem and joy and happiness.
You work hard to remember what it felt like before this unwanted visitor took over your life.
You see a sunbeam, you smile, you are grateful for that smile, they don’t come easy.
So you step one foot in front of the other and pray for more sunbeams.
You keep going.
Written by Andrea L. RoyShare this . . .